


Fragile Minds

by LilacTree_928



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, I'm so sorry dear prompter, M/M, Modern Royalty, No bed sharing :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21933520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacTree_928/pseuds/LilacTree_928
Summary: “A simple complicationMiscommunications lead to fall outSo many things that I wish you knewSo many walls up I can't break through”- The Story of Us (Taylor Swift, 2011)If only they talked, all of this could have been prevented.But then, if they did, there would be no story.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> #00250: "Out of all the people he thought he'd end up with in the world, the last person he had thought it would be was Na Jaemin." Donghyuck's parents have made him a perfect match for marriage, but Donghyuck disagrees. Jaemin, at best, is a friend of a friend, someone he'd always thought Jeno or Renjun would end up with. His parents have doomed him to a loveless marriage.

It should not bother him. It shouldn’t, yet it does. This is his big day, it should be, but why is it that he feels nothing but anxiety and despair? They’re telling him that he should be happy for he is lucky to be marrying the Crown Prince of Eastern Archipelago, known to be the object of teenage fantasies from girls and boys alike, but he just can’t bring it in him to be happy despite being one of the protagonists of such a joyous event. It is his wedding day, yet it feels like he is being led to the slaughterhouse, prepped and donned for slaughter.

He looked straight into the mirror, eyeing the blemishes which marred his face, caused by the endless nights he spent sneaking out, spending the night in his gardens which he would eventually leave as he bid his hometown goodbye after all the wedding ceremonies ended. He stared at his eyes, purposefully overlooking the well-hidden dark circles rimmed under them, and continued on staring at himself dully. 

If there’s one thing that he held on such high regard, it is love. Being brought up in an environment where rules and etiquettes  were inhaled and exhaled like oxygen, it is common knowledge that royal marriages, ultimately, are sealed through arrangements; arrangements that, run through years, decades, even centuries,  and  decide the future of the monarchy and the country. Despite it all, he never lost hope; being the youngest and furthest from the throne, his position left him with freedom his eldest brother could never imagine. So, he figured that despite the dictatorial and controlling nature of his marriage, love could still blossom.

He had read books, witnessed stories, and heard tales of love blossoming in the rocky fields of the monarchy. His mother and father are the nearest living testimony to this. But after learning of the identity of his husband-to-be, the disillusionment he felt was so severe that he felt the life getting sucked out of him with every passing second.

The Crown Prince of the Eastern Archipelago is quite  _ interesting _ . The distressed prince decided to shut his eyes for a few more minutes before the ceremony started.

_ “So, this is really happening huh? Such a pity…” _

Chen Le, being the kind soul that he is, tried to convince Donghyuck that the Crown Prince, despite the heir’s flaws, is a good man who will pamper him with affections once married. Doyoung, his eldest brother and the Crown Prince of their land, with an affectionate eye roll, told him that he’s actually lucky such a wonderful and powerful man was talked  into marrying him by the King and Queen. Taeyong, the Prince’s Consort and an absolute darling, gave him a fond smile as he listed off his fiancé’s merits while gently brushing his hair as the midnight oil burnt.

He begs to disagree.

Picking up the discarded compact powder in front of him, he tried to set his make up one last time before pumping his chest. “You can do this Lee Donghyuck, what’s so difficult about being in a loveless marriage anyway?” 

This is so difficult. Pacing around his newly furnished quarters, Lee- no,  _ Na  _ Donghyuck, Prince Consort to the Crown Prince of the Eastern Archipelago,  _ Na Jaemin _ , is beyond frustrated. He cannot believe that his parents had really subjected him to a lifetime of indifference. He plopped on his large bed whose beautiful embroidery and wonderful tapestries remained overlooked with the distress his marriage is causing him.

If one were to ask him six months ago about a potential partner, Na Jaemin wouldn’t even cross his mind. Sure, the man’s a crown prince, an heir to one of the most abundant part of the continent at that, owns a hefty amount of shares in one of the biggest company back in his hometown, drives the best vehicles which aren’t even out in the market yet, has every single woman and man at his feet, wishing for a measly recognition, but, as Donghyuck stares at the ceiling of his bedroom, Jaemin just wasn’t for him.

Due to his impressive credentials, the Crown Prince is also known for being one of the biggest Casanovas around; as if being a  _ chaebol  _ is not enough. Donghyuck has enough self-awareness to determine that he’s not cut out to tie down the always  _ wandering  _ Crown Prince. In fact, if you were to ask him, he’d probably offer either Jeno or Renjun to wed his  _ infamous  _ husband. Jeno’s gentle and tactful, and Renjun’s  _ small  _ and snarky. Donghyuck figured that if his friends weren’t together, either of them would be a good pair for the Crown Prince.

“Or they could take him in and they could form something of a polyamorous arrangement.” He muttered under his breath. The idea was so incredibly absurd that he burst out laughing as soon as it escaped his lips, despite the hollow feeling settling inside him.

“And what is it about polyamory you found so funny  that you’re choking with laughter?”

Donghyuck felt his breath hitch at the familiar voice intruded his senses. There, bending in front of his sprawled body is the spawn of the devil with that devilish grin of his, which  could make every teenager tremble their knees. Donghyuck felt his cheeks heat up as he realized that the object of his earlier musings was conjured. He squeaked and rolled off the bed in an ungraceful thud and manner. The Queen, his mother, would chastise him greatly if she saw the disposition which the Prince had managed to worm himself into, that is if she doesn’t succumb to cardiac arrest first, seeing how  _ improper  _ her son had become. Oh well, that’s what she’s getting for thinking that the match that they’ve made was one from heaven.

Realizing that his husband was still there and most probably staring at his poor excuse of existence splayed on the floor, he jumped up and proceeded to offer curtsy. “I’m sorry for my  _ inappropriate  _ behavior, Your Highness.” He mumbled lowly, albeit clearly enough for the other to catch on. It was fortunate that Jaemin doesn’t seem to mind as a gentle smile was plastered on his face despite the underlying teasing hidden terribly behind that gentle façade. 

“It’s alright  _ my _ prince; I do love seeing you in your natural habitat.” There, there it is, one of the faces – or  _ masks _ , if you may – that Na Jaemin kept on wearing in front of Donghyuck that makes this whole marriage terribly difficult. 

One moment, the Crown Prince is out there, acting lovey-dovey with either Renjun or Jeno, and then the next, he’ll be beside him, acting all princely. Donghyuck would have preferred it if they’d be one of the indifferent and bitter couples like his aunts and uncles who merely married for power and wealth; he would have preferred it like that instead of this. It’s terribly cruel to witness such a sweet man, albeit a well-known womanizer, tied with him when Jaemin could have led a promiscuous lifestyle with Renjun and Jeno. Donghyuck wants to sulk.

“What is the reason for your sudden melancholy, my prince?” His husband is now seated on his bed while holding his wrists in his slender fingers. Donghyuck felt the urge to cry even more but swallowed it back. Thank goodness for all the years he had spent with his governess, it is now finally bearing fruits. Forcing a smile, he looked down at his husband and shook his head. “It is nothing, Your Highness, just a  _ fleeting  _ thought.”

His husband  didn’t seem to be convinced but chose not to prod. Donghyuck is thankful, for he doesn’t know what he’d burst if further questioned; knowing himself, he’d probably shout that they should divorce but then, he’d refuse to initiate it himself as it would tarnish the image of his family nor would he let his husband initiate it as it would ultimately cause the Eastern Archipelago’s demise if the heir to the throne were to suggest something as tabooed as divorce. 

Donghyuck grimaced at the narrow-mindedness of the Royal Families across the world. Maybe he should pass forward reforms which would divide the power between the noble and the common folks. He should really start on researching about that Parliamentary system from the West. 

“Why are you here anyway, Your Highness?” Donghyuck gathered his senses and decided to steer away the attention from his earlier disposition. Jaemin was not quick enough to notice the diversion and pulled Donghyuck to sit beside him. After a good chunk of time, Donghyuck’s wrists were finally free from the slender grasps of the Crown Prince; it was a relief.

“Am I not allowed to check on my husband, now?” It was light, teasing, but Donghyuck felt a bitter taste on the tip of his tongue knowing that the two of them are merely coerced into this marriage. Yet, none is brave enough to speak up about it.

He merely shook his head gently and refused to return the gaze that is offered. “No, Your Highness, it was unexpected but certainly not unwarranted.” 

The Crown Prince nodded at that and decidedly offered the purpose of his visit. Donghyuck gave himself a figurative pat on the back for managing to salvage himself at such a critical time. The Prince’s presence, albeit not detested, is not one  he really looks forward to encountering. However, nobody has to know that. 

“I just wanted to see you.” The sudden bomb almost caused the Prince Consort to frown as a reflex but he held it in. He pursed his lips.

“Does this satisfy you now, Your Highness?” Donghyuck faked coyness, knowing fully well that his usual sarcasm wouldn’t sit well  with the heir, especially the Queen if news of it escaped his  chambers. 

Jaemin smiled and shrugged. “It’ll never be enough. Unless you’d like to consummate our marriage now?” 

If he were a commoner, he would have picked his sandal s and hit the bastard beside him with it. Donghyuck suddenly had a  _ eureka  _ moment, he finally knows why the fuck this bastard is a known womanizer. This is exactly why this marriage is extremely difficult; apart from it being loveless, they have to pretend they’re head over heels in love with each other because they are both from powerful families who would rip each other’s throats at any opportunity. This is why they were arranged to be married, for the two families to find peace and let their subjects breathe easily.

Now that it crossed his mind, the thought of possible infidelity popped up. He doesn’t know how to deal with that. For first, amongst all, he’s a non-confrontational person. He’d probably just exchange knives through words with the other party and then freeze like a mannequin the moment hands are thrown around. 

Gathering his senses, he smiled at his husband before discreetly scooting away from the other’s pretentious embrace. “Please, Your Highness, you are making me  _ flustered _ . I do believe that it’s still too early for such…  _ decisions _ .” Donghyuck hated how much power the other holds against him. It’s neither the status nor the Crown that Na Jaemin is wielding against him, it is Jaemin using centuries-old tactics that normally wouldn’t cause such an embarrassing effect on him. But, alas, it seems like the natural charmer does have his way with words that despite them being insincere, they  it could still evoke unwarranted hiccups. Donghyuck hates how flustered he was led to be. 

The Crown Prince, for the love of the universe, dared to actually chuckle in amusement. Fortunately though, he finally moved back, putting reasonable space between the two of them. He then turned serious as he stared into Donghyuck’s eyes, a hint of gentleness and fondness seeping out. The Prince Consort almost felt nauseous but held himself  back . He cannot fathom why he’s at the receiving end of such…  _ impossibility _ . He blinked twice.

Jaemin opened his mouth, as if to say something, only to close it once again, hesitation apparent on his handsome face. Donghyuck almost did not caught the micro expressions but his confusion was halted as Jaemin beamed brightly at him, all remnants of his previous emotions unfound and almost unimagined. “I’ll be gone for a few days ** ; ** I have to meet the Head of the States of the Western Republic. I came here to ask if you wanted anything, jewelry, clothes, anything.”

Donghyuck almost felt his heart drop. ‘ _ Ah, it seems as if I have to be bought by such material luxuries. _ ’ Hanging his head lowly, he did not dare to meet his husband’s eyes, lest he let on the disappointment that is dripping from within his soul. Ever since he was little, he never liked the innate excessiveness which encompasses the whole monarchy **. ** His mother and father never brought them up in such a superfluous manner, so to witness that he is being treated as if he were a teenager ** , ** easily bought by materialistic desires to be kept in line ** , ** is a huge punch in the gut. Though, he did not dare to voice his dissent out loud.

“I do not wish for anything ** , ** Your Highness.” He spoke too lowly, wise enough to know that he mustn’t offend his husband. He saw Jaemin’s fingers twitch so he was quick to add. “However, since His Highness offered humble me, I would like to ask for him to bring home some soil from the first piece of land he sets foot on in that revolutionary country.” He finally lifted his head up, not surprised at the flabbergasted expression on his husband’s face. 

He chose the path which will not violate his principles while maintaining his position in  on his husband’s good graces. Something only attainable at the place the Crown Prince will visit, yet is not luxurious in nature which will prevent superfluous spending of the citizen’s taxes. Luckily for him, Jaemin let it go as he smiled and caressed Donghyuck’s unruly locks caused by being locked up in his chamber for far too long the past week. “Alright. I’ll bring you some soil.” There was no contempt, just pure amusement and Donghyuck was relieved. If he’s not loved, the least he could gain was some sort of fondness, so that when the time comes, even with a lover on the side, they could tolerate each other even if would be just for the sake of pretense. He genuinely smiled for the first time in weeks since getting married. “Thank you ** , ** Your-”

Jaemin stopped his words, shaking his head and holding Donghyuck’s hand firmly but gently. “Please just call me by my name.” Unease flashed through Donghyuck’s eyes, ‘ _ This is totally against royal protocol, even mother calls father ‘His Grace.’ _ ’

“ _ Please. _ ”

And Donghyuck gave in, just like when he said ‘ _ I do _ ’; he cannot stand the fake genuineness which his husband, then fiancé, held in his eyes.

_ “With all my heart, I take thee; will thee take me as well?” _

_ “…” _

_ “He will.” _

Life passed slowly in this foreign castle he was forced to accept as his home. It has been exactly nine months since he was wedded into this Royal Family and was forced into this complicated mess he currently was. His usually sunny disposition had been thrashed and replaced with this permanent cloud hanging above his head, his chirp  had lost its gay and was morphed into this ugly mess of monotony, and essentially, he’s bored. 

He has yet to return home ** , ** for his husband is terribly swamped whereas despite his extreme homesickness, he can do nothing but lay around in his chambers while waiting for mushrooms to finally grow on his head. He wonders if Jaemin is too ashamed to bring him  to  formal events. There are tons of them, formal meetings, events, charity auctions, but despite his status as the Consort of the Crown Prince, he has been discarded and bypassed. He’s basically a trophy that is not even allowed to act its part as a decoration. 

Donghyuck suddenly regrets not pursuing military strategy when he was younger. What’s the purpose of learning liberal arts when he’s locked away in this cold palace, waiting for the time when His Highness finally paid him a visit? This is absurd, he’s getting treated like a lowly concubine of the ancient times. He’s had enough.

If he can’t be of use in politics or military, then he can’t. He doesn’t really have the guts to deny his inherent uselessness in that aspect. He’s also used up every single skill he had, and read every novel he had brought with him and a little of those he could get his hands on without arousing the suspicion of the Crown Prince, and he’s left with nothing to do. ‘ _ Except for one thing. _ ’ A feeling of enlightenment dawned on Donghyuck which caused him to jolt up in excitement. 

“You seem to be in high spirits.”

The sudden appearance of the Crown Prince failed to surprise Donghyuck now. At first, due to the unpredictable pattern of their encounters, Donghyuck  used to jolt in surprise, what with Jaemin’s preference of stealth, but after a while, he finally learned the principle of stoicism and refused to humor his husband any longer. 

‘ _ So, after almost a month, you finally remembered that you have a husband waiting for you. _ ’ He did not dare to utter these hostile words out loud though, he’s finally insolent but he still prefers both his head and his family’s heads attached where they are supposed to.

Rolling his eyes, he rose to his feet and greeted his husband properly. “I have been well, Your-” he started as he curtsied, only to be stopped by the gentle and warm hands of the Crown Prince. 

“ _ Jaemin. _ ” It was gentle and low but had a hint of firmness in it. 

Donghyuck tilted his head. ‘ _ What does he want now? It’s his name, so? _ ’ His irritation must have slipped as Jaemin retracted his hand hesitantly and his smile stiffened. “You were about to call me ‘Your Highness,’ so I was reminding you not to.” 

Donghyuck almost rolled his eyes but obeyed, nonetheless. “I have been well,  _ Jaemin _ .” 

‘ _ Don’t blame me for forgetting, you’re gone half the time and if ever I had to address you in my thoughts, apart from “that fucking Crown Prince,” you’re known as “that womanizer.” You can’t really blame me. _ ’ Fixing his expression into one of serenity, Donghyuck lifted his head as he stood in front of his  _ estranged  _ husband. Jaemin doesn’t look satisfied but was placated enough not to pry. Sitting on the bed, he beckoned Donghyuck to sit beside him.

“It doesn’t seem like it though. You must be terribly bored.” Jaemin remarked as he tucked an unruly strand of Donghyuck’s hair behind his ear. 

Donghyuck almost flinched but held the urge in. He’s still blushing with embarrassment but it’s not as bad as it used to be like the first three months of their marriage. Apart from blushing furiously, he would even stutter like a terrible schoolgirl. What would the Queen, his mother, tell him had she seen  the inglorious state one of her sons had been in? She would cough blood before throwing him one of her precious fans. So, he had practiced and controlled his mind and body in order to control such reactions from happening. He’s still far from perfecting the art of nonchalance, but he’s still a prince and should not disgrace his etiquette tutors. 

“I am. I am extremely, terribly bored that I  have  already read my whole library and parts of your library that caught my interest. I am extremely, terribly bored that I  have already redecorated my chambers at least three times. Despite them all, I am still bored. However, worry not, Your Highness, I have finally found the answer to satiate my boredom. At least for the foreseeable future.” He sniped back at his husband who doesn’t seem to be too offended that his spouse, who’s beneath him by royal standards,  had  just remarked snidely at him and quite casually at that. 

Jaemin merely hummed his usual response as he leaned back and fell on the bed leisurely. 

“I am glad then.” And he ended it at that.

Donghyuck did not pick the conversation where it left off and just leaned on the headboard, leaving quite a distance between him and Jaemin. He used to ask his husband the purpose of his visits but after a number of shameless flirting, Donghyuck  had  learned his lesson and knew better than to ask Jaemin why he’s suddenly visiting, even if it’s in the middle of the night. 

The Crown Prince seemed satisfied that his consort did not pry and instead, settled himself beside him, all previous plans of going out pushed forward for later. Jaemin rose to his feet as he offered a hand towards his consort. Donghyuck, against all his better judgment, took it swiftly by reflex. 

“Come, dear husband, I have prepared something for you.” 

He felt that going blindfolded was totally unnecessary but Donghyuck didn’t really have the guts to deny the Crown Prince. So, despite his irritation, he willingly gave in and here he is, clumsily trudging inside the palace, wherever Jaemin decided to bring him. He is skeptical about this but something in the way his husband smiled and skipped happily made him act otherwise. 

After a few minutes of walking and approximately seven corridors later , Donghyuck felt Jaemin halt in his steps prompting him to do the same. 

“It was hard acquiring these and even harder getting them here, however, I did my best, so…” Jaemin said lowly, taking off the blindfold. 

Donghyuck was confused as to what his husband is pertaining to, but the moment his sense of sight cleared up, his face and soul brightened up. In front of him lay a beautifully made garden which contained many of his favorite herbs. Yes, herbs. Flowers can be bought whenever and wherever and it’s honestly so tiring, what with the countless amount he’s used to seeing, both as part of interior décor and tokens; the beautiful organisms no longer had the ability to invoke awe and fondness inside him. Herbs, however, are another subject. 

Herbs can both be a poison and a cure. It can be both sweet and bitter but ultimately healthy with the right concoction. So, seeing this little garden full of herbs, some of which he could recognize from his hometown, he jumped into Jaemin’s arms in delight. “Thank you, thank you, thank you very much!” He squealed and kissed Jaemin’s cheeks in the heat of the moment.

The action made the two of them freeze up. Apart from the stiffness of his face, there was nothing much obvious on Jaemin’s expression apart from the slight redness on his cheeks and ears, whilst Donghyuck’s golden skin had turned a shade deeper with embarrassment.

Coughing, Donghyuck detangled himself from the Crown Prince’s embrace and dusted the nonexistent dirt from his shirt as he turned back to the view in front of him. Despite the shame and the prominent redness of his face, he did not let it dampen his bright smile.

This was exactly the great idea he had earlier. He  had planned on getting permission to acquire a small patch of land in the palace gardens where he could plant whatever herb he could get hold of in this seasonal country. This would permanently alleviate the loneliness and homesickness which this palace is causing him. Who would have thought that just as he had managed to visualize the prospect, his husband had already did it, sparing him from the arduous labor of it all? He’s distraught about the fact but seeing how beautifully every herb was placed and arranged, he just pushed the dissatisfaction behind his brain as he beamed brightly at his husband. “Thank you.” He whispered, finally.

Not an hour ago, he was still cursing Jaemin in his head due to the extreme boredom he was forced unto. Being relatively far from the throne – especially now that Doyoung and his consort, Taeyong, are expecting soon – he was trained how to be a proper consort from a young age and he knows that he shouldn’t be locked up in his chambers especially since his husband is “The” Crown Prince. He should be attending official events for despite being in a loveless marriage, he knows his worth: he’s still a priceless token that should be flaunted in order to shamelessly showcase the alliance of the Northern Ridges and the Eastern Archipelago. So, he was extremely distraught with this neglect this Crown Prince had subjected him unto. At least that was before he received this wonderful gift.

‘ _ You’re so easy to please Na Donghyuck. _ ’ A little voice inside his head chastised him. He paid it no heed as he jumped into inspecting the nearest herbs.

“Aside from this, I want to take you somewhere else.” Jaemin blurted out behind him. Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows as he looked back, hand in the middle of caressing a leaf of a harmless herb. “You’ve been coped up inside this palace ever since we got married and I never explained to you why.”

‘ _ Oh… that. Don’t worry, I’ve gotten over it. _ ’ If he were a little less restrained and a little more comfortable, he would have blurted out that sarcastic remark towards his husband even if he’s an heir. Donghyuck remained crouching, his eyebrows still furrowed as he kept mum. 

The Crown Prince seemed abashed but did not tear his eyes away from his consort as  Jaemin proceeded to talk. “After our marriage, you were actually supposed to be swamped with royal visits and international gatherings. However, I canceled them all.”

Donghyuck finally straightened his back as he blinked confusedly at his husband. ‘ _ This is not an attitude of a Crown Prince. Doyoung would chastise him heavily if Doyoung were to hear of this. _ ’ He cannot grasp Jaemin’s intentions for doing this, for as far as he’s concerned, this Royal Family he just joined is just as traditional as his own back home.

“Let’s not worry about that now. Come, let’s go somewhere.”

‘ _ Yeah, don’t explain it to me. How terrible! Cooking food and letting me smell a whiff before throwing it in the bin. How dare he make me curious only to leave me hanging?! _ ’ Donghyuck pouted before relenting. 

Jaemin let out a chuckle out of nowhere and took his consort’s hand, pulling Donghyuck beside him. Donghyuck willed down the urge to roll his eyes and followed suit, his curiosity unsatiated and at the same time intensified with the addition of a new prospect. 

As they walked leisurely in the palace halls, something dawned on Donghyuck, halting him in his steps, causing Jaemin to do so as well. With wide eyes, he looked at his husband, confusion and fear in his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” Jaemin stepped closer, cupping Donghyuck’s face with his hands.

Donghyuck pursed his lips as he shut his eyes close. “You’re not taking me for a maternity assessment, right?”

That’s what he was most afraid of, getting his body altered to conceive a royal heir. It’s not that it’s dangerous  or risky. No, technology will not fail them. It is his fear that he’ll be bringing another person into this world without even the affections of his husband. Heck, the Crown Prince seemed to be ashamed to be married to him that he had gone through an extensive length just to hide him from the world.

The realization that hit him was painful. ‘ _ So that’s why. _ ’ He finally had an answer to his coping. It did not make him feel better. Biting his lips, he did his best to hold Jaemin’s stare despite the urge to hung his head down and wallow in self-pity. 

Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows and tightened his hold on his Consort’s hands. “No. Why would I take you there?” It seemed as if the notion was a surprise to him seeing him wear a confused expression. 

Donghyuck looked down, unable to decipher Jaemin right now. “I know we’ll eventually get there but… I don’t think I could do that right now.” Donghyuck’s voice trailed off, trying to hide the pain that will ultimately escape from the recess of his mind.

Painful assumptions were flooding Donghyuck’s mind when a sudden warmth enveloped him and attacked his senses. ‘ _ He smells like that darned, bitter coffee he usually orders. _ ’

“I’ll never do anything without your consent.  _ You know that, right? _ ” 

Honestly, Donghyuck doesn’t.

He can’t read Jaemin at all. They have spent too little time together, what with Jaemin constantly touring the world and him being constantly left in his bedchamber. So, he doesn’t know his husband at all. And that’s what pains him. 

He’s fallen for a complete enigma without even the tiniest hope of it being reciprocated. It’s a losing battle.

He refused to answer that and burrowed his face in the crook of Jaemin’s neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of coffee. ‘ _ Does he drink coffee that much? I think he’s sweating espresso shots with how prominent the scent is. _ ’ Donghyuck tried to avert his thoughts from the inevitable.

“Can we just go grab some cake?” He blurted out of the blue, blatantly ignoring the Michelin Star Chefs that composed their kitchen, as he refused to look at his husband.

Jaemin gently chuckled, his chest vibrating against Donghyuck’s as he rubbed his thumb soothingly on his husband’s waist. “Sure, let’s do that.”

‘ _ It’s getting harder. _ ’ He bit his lips as he squinted his eyes and forced a smile on his dropping lips. He’s happy, extremely happy, but the toxic little seedlings of envy are hard to suppress. Seeing and hearing the joy and laughter,  _ and love _ , of everyone in the room, he felt nauseated. He still bit his lips and kept up his pretense. ‘ _ I was born for this. I was molded for this. _ ’ He reminded himself.

Prince Consort Donghyuck offered one last smile to the Duke and Duchess of some area before downing his glass of champagne and excusing himself. He can no longer  bear the gnawing at his heart, seeing the room full of happy families. ‘ _ Lovely couples. _ ’ He uttered bitterly  trying to mask his discomfort as he waltzed away from the hoards of guests. 

His body is still aching from the procedure but he had to force himself up from his bed in order to face all these  _ distinguished  _ guests. When he first finally emerged from the unprecedented and subtle exile caused by his unorthodox husband, he almost vomited out of sheer relief and excitement. As a royalty, he is trained and used to being in the spotlight and loves it.

Unlike his brothers, especially Doyoung, who hates all the eyes on them, Donghyuck, being the youngest and least troublesome, has no problem befriending all the press, even unruly paparazzi, apart from his snarky remarks from time to time, and has no trouble interacting and memorizing all the confusing titles of every single royal member of the monarch, even those who are supposedly  _ insignificant _ . 

So for him to be so exhausted in just a little under an hour at a public event, was very unusual. His extrovert self isn’t like this. ‘ _ It must be the shift in my hormones. That must be it. It should be the reason. _ ’ Donghyuck bit his lips as he wobbled his way out of the ballroom. He tried to find Jaemin, wishing to be escorted back to his chambers. ‘ _ I shouldn’t have persisted on coming here. I should’ve listened to Jaem, my body feels like dropping at any moment. _ ’ 

_ Jaem _ . Calling his husband that nickname still sends a foreign tickle inside  Donghyuck’s stomach. A small smile slipped through and  Donghyuck felt his face loosen in fondness. As he reached the veranda – totally far from the exit he was aiming for earlier, he leaned back and let the memories flood through his mind. ‘ _ I still can’t believe that I have the privilege to call him a nickname only I am entitled to use. _ ’ Call him overdramatic and cliché, but he can’t help the slight giggle that  escape s him as he looked out at the night sky, scattering clouds slightly covering some of the stars but the moon still shone brightly. ‘ _ That’s quite a good metaphor with how I feel right now. _ ’

_ Donghyuck wiped the sweat with his forearm as his he continued on gripping the shovel in his hand. Gardening had been his solace even when he was young and it is now his constant relief now. The little herbs he’s growing had become his best friend in this foreign land he’s slowly getting accustomed to. It’s yet to be regarded as his home but the Queen, after all the chaos had sizzled down, had become a tender guardian. The Queen would summon him from time to time for a cup of tea as they basked in the warm sunlight at her estate, and talk about state matters and the newest fashion trends. He can’t really consider her as mother-like for though she’s his mother-in-law, they’re not really that close yet for such an intimate regard. At most, he’ll consider her as like that friendly and warm auntie he never had because of intense power struggle inside the monarchy. _

_ As he smiled and patted down the soil, a hand suddenly snaked around his waist, causing him to flinch and drop his shovel. “Woah, easy, you might drop it on your herbs.” _

_ Donghyuck _ _ tensed up even more. He and his husband had been constantly seeing each other these past two months, totally unlike their first  _ _ triquarter _ _ of  _ _ marriage _ _ , but  _ _ Donghyuck _ _ still cannot let himself get used to the seemingly innate _ touchiness  _ of Jaemin. Taking a deep breath, he took off his gardening gloves and stood up to look at the Crown Prince who seemed so  _ free  _ these days. _

_ “You always do this. Can’t you just announce yourself instead of sneaking up behind me every single time?” Donghyuck scrunched his face as he prevented himself from rolling his eyes in annoyance. He can be extremely focused when gardening so getting surprised  _ every single time _ doesn’t sound so lovely. His idiotic husband thinks otherwise though. _

_ “I love how annoyed you look every time I sneak up on you. It feels like seeing a glimpse of your true self.” _

__ _ Donghyuck _ _ , this time, let his eyes roll. ‘ _ This again.  Jaemin and his enigmatic, useless, and totally unnecessary words. _ ’ “Since you’re here already, let’s just eat, I was getting a little bit hungry.” _

_ Jaemin brightened up, smiling fondly before taking Donghyuck’s hands into his as he pulled him towards the little cottage he had set up in the middle of the massive garden. “I knew you’d be hungry by now; you have literally been here since before the sun was up.” Jaemin walked leisurely, his hands not loosening as they thread through the rows of herbs. _

_ “It’s not like I’ll be doing anything for this week anyway, our next conference won’t be until next week. This is literally the best exercise. I guess I can shed a few pounds while I’m at it.” Donghyuck shrugged as he took off his straw hat and discarded it haphazardly on the ground as they continue on their way to the little cottage.  _

_ Jaemin halted in his steps and turned around to look at Donghyuck, the smile on his face gone and replaced with such an ugly frown that took Donghyuck by surprise. He was taken aback with such a foreign expression on his husband’s face which was always beaming with light whenever they’re together. ‘ _ What did I do wrong? Have I said something wrong? _ ’ _

_ “Do you really have to lose weight?” Jaemin’s voice was quiet, Donghyuck think it’s attractive but the confusion took over him before his darn Id took over his thoughts. “It’s not that great of a deal though. I was literally put on diet and strict monitoring since I was 10.” He tried explaining, trying to brush the subject off as something not worth worrying about but he did not expect Jaemin to suddenly drop his hand. He was instantaneously craving the warmth that engulfed his hand earlier. He refused to let his mask crack and reveal his true feelings.  _

_ Before he could think further, his senses were suddenly invaded as he was engulfed into a tight yet gentle embrace. The smell of coffee was evident but not too strong and ragged, warm breaths lightly hit against his neck as Jaemin burrowed his face into his neck. He was left gaping in both shock and confusion.  _

_ “J-jaem-” He was cut short.  _

_ “I love that. Use it to call me.”  _

_ ‘ _ Ah, here we go again with his confusing behavior. _ ’ Donghyuck lamented as he sighed and nodded in resignation.  _

_ “And I forbid you to overexert yourself with anything. So, you’re not allowed to enter this garden before six in the morning and you can only enter once you’ve eaten your breakfast. You should be out of the garden before the clock strikes twelve to have your lunch and you can only go back by one in the afternoon and you must be out before five. I’ll leave Jisung here to monitor you.”  _

_ Donghyuck took a step back at such a blatant and hurtful display of authority and power.  _

_ Hurt flashed across his face as he tried to pry himself away from his husband whom he suddenly can no longer recognize. Taking in a deep breath, he placed his hands in front of him, putting on his prim and proper act. ‘’ _ Like the Prince Consort that I am. _ ’ Pulling a small, tight smile, he softened his gaze and hunched his figure. “Of course,  _ Your Highness _.”  _

_ Donghyuck saw the Crown Prince lift his hands, as if to reach out, only to drop it back again as he straightened himself. “Please enjoy your lunch, I have matters to attend to.”  _

_ And he was gone like the wind, ‘ _ Again. _ ’ After his husband’s heavy steps to finally fade, Donghyuck let out the breath he was holding and slumped on the ground. _

_ “Your Highness!” It was Jisung. Jaemin really left a shackle on him. As he was aided back onto his feet towards the cottage and onto a chair, he thanked Jisung as he eyed the massive amount of food in front of him. Confusion filled him again and he looked at Jisung for possible answers. It’s fortunate that Jisung is clever. Nodding and fixing his suit, he tipped his head towards the food and looked at Donghyuck. “He was missing you and to see you overexert yourself, knowing that he can’t be by your side always, is so painful to him. Please don’t take his command from earlier too seriously. You’re not really mandated to follow his orders; he just wants the best for you.”  _

_ Donghyuck doesn’t know what to make of that. So, like the good royal bargain that he was brought up to be, he kept mum and started eating. _

_ For the whole month since they had that little fiasco, Donghyuck had not seen even the tail of his husband’s shadow. As promised, Jisung was now constantly on the lookout for him. The young man is a few months younger than Donghyuck’s cousin Chen Le but it still surprises him to see how mature and serious the royal bodyguard is despite the adorable awkwardness he possesses especially whenever Donghyuck would invite him to accompany Donghyuck to lunch.  _

_ Donghyuck has learned many things about Jaemin throughout the meals he has shared with Jisung. Turns out, Jisung has been with the royal heir since he was thirteen as part of his training before he took over his father’s post. There is also a striking revelation the younger had dropped on Donghyuck during one of their casual conversations that continues to haunt him to this day, which had made him drop his shovel on a poor unsuspecting herb for the nth time that day. _

_ “It’s actually His Highness that reached out to your parents, their Majesties, to ask your hand.” Jisung had said as he wiped his mouth carefully, his eyes still downcast, probably due to the ingrained training. _

_ Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but tried to compose _ _ d _ _ himself as he tried to inquire  _ _ further _ _. “I never knew that… Wait, wouldn’t you get in trouble for telling me this?” He’s curious but knows very well about the royal protocols. The younger guard had managed to earn a soft spot in him; he didn’t really want Jisung to get in trouble for any reason will involved him.  _

_ Jisung, fortunately, shook his head and continued on speaking. “It’s not really a confidential information and His Highness hasn’t really ordered me to keep mum about it, I just thought that you ought to know seeing how distant you two are.” _

_ Donghyuck smiled at the kind little gesture the younger is making. With his smile dampening, Donghyuck leaned back on his chair as he scooped another spoonful of his ice cream. “I’m grateful for your intentions but you don’t really have to try very much Jisung-ie.” He beamed brightly as he saw the little flinch of the young guard upon hearing the nickname the Prince Consort had given him. _

_ “I have come to terms with my fate as I entered this arranged marriage. Not every marriage turns out well like my parents’ and elder brothers’.” He tried to control his voice but he’s well aware that hints of disappointment and hurt escaped his mask seeing Jisung’s face fall.  _

_ “May I be so presumptuous and speak bluntly, Your Highness?”  _

_ Donghyuck nodded absent-mindedly as he took his glass and downed the wine. _

_ “You might not believe me but Prince Jaemin sincerely loves you.” Each word was uttered carefully, as if Jisung was afraid that the message might not come across.  _

_ Donghyuck chuckled, totally loosened with the help of the alcohol but still sober. “Oh, I wish that too Jisung-ie.” He chuckled. “Oh, how I wish that too…” He trailed off sadly.  _

_ “It’s true Your Highness.” Jisung added hurriedly yet still careful as to not overstep his boundaries.  _

_ Donghyuck shook his head. “It’s alright, you don’t need to placate me. The mere fact that you’re trying to comfort me is more than enough. I feel like I just gained a younger brother that’s better than Chen Le. I think you’re already my favorite.” Donghyuck chuckled as he reached out and ruffled Jisung’s hair in adoration.  _

_ Jisung reddened with embarrassment and Donghyuck chuckled in delight as he pulled back and drank more wine. ‘ _ Guess we’re not returning to do some gardening after this. _ ’ He sighed and smiled. A cough suddenly broke their interaction and seeing Jisung’s surprised and frightful face as he stood up and bowed immediately, Donghyuck knew that his husband had finally graced them of his presence after being MIA for one whole month. _

_ Donghyuck, being the good Prince Consort that he is, stood up, albeit a bit wobbly, and offered curtsy towards his husband who does not look amused at all. It must probably be the alcohol in his system but he let his eyebrows furrow in confusion before he could contain himself.  _

_ “Your Royal Highness, it is a pleasure to  _ finally  _ see you.” Donghyuck remarked as he rose up. Jaemin did not reply quickly as he stayed rooted in his spot. _

_ Donghyuck, being Donghyuck, let his mind wander and his lips speak before he could filter the words coming out of his mouth. “If you’re mad at Jisung here for keeping me company or telling me stories which you deem him in an inappropriate position to do so, please just take it out on me.” He blurted out and bowed. This was against protocols but that young guard had managed to snag his affections and he doesn’t want Jisung to be on probation for merely trying to comfort him.  _

_ “Jisung has done nothing wrong, there’s nothing for me to punish him for. However, Jisung, please give my husband and me some space; I would like to talk to him alone.”  _

_ Now that Donghyuck had put in the effort to focus, there was no anger or hostility in his husband’s voice. ‘ _ Just plain old empty mask. This is his “monarch” voice. _ ’ At that point, Donghyuck finally got hold of himself as he plastered back his soft consort smile. _

_ Once they were alone, nobody said anything or moved for a good few minutes. The two just looked at each other. Donghyuck could not decipher what his husband is thinking. ‘ _ I never could, anyway. _ ’ He remarked cruelly inside his head. Finally, Jaemin let out a breath and motioned for them to sit. Donghyuck complied. _

_ Donghyuck kept his mouth shut, afraid that it might go berserk with the help of the alcohol he had just consumed. “I heard everything.” Jaemin opened after a moment’s hesitation. Donghyuck would have choked and snapped his head up had he been born a commoner, but he didn’t. He kept his eyes low, unable to lift it up and to try read his husband’s face. ‘ _ We’re all wearing masks anyway. _ ’  _

_ “It’s all true.” Jaemin continued and only then did Donghyuck let himself look up to meet his husband’s eyes. Seeing the fondness in Jaemin’s orbs, Donghyuck really wanted to believe him when he said that. He wanted to burst into tears and beg that let it all be true. However, he knew better than that. Smiling his best consort smile, he looked down. “I’m glad then.” _

_ “Jaem, can I call you that?” He further pushed his luck, for maybe, just maybe, ‘ _ I might just be special. _ ’ _

_ Jaemin smiled as he leaned back on his chair, his eyes never leaving Donghyuck’s for even a second. ‘ _ There it is, his usual beam. _ ’ “Jaem… that’s new. I love it.” _

_ Before Jaemin disappears again, Donghyuck will just try to enjoy his presence. ‘ _ For a little while. _ ’ _

Keeping his eyes on the night sky, Donghyuck clutched his aching belly. He might have gained the liberty of calling his husband a unique nickname but that still doesn’t erase the fact that his husband had just pulled his vanishing act on him once again. It brings tears to his eyes how he was suddenly left to his own devices in the middle of a public event as he tried to socialize with other members of the elite. 

‘ _ I was trained for this; I was molded to perform well. _ ’ He kept on mumbling to himself as the party went on behind him. It was to celebrate the Crown Prince’s one-year marriage anniversary with him, yet he’s the only one here to receive the guests. He would have made fun of the situation if not for the hormonal imbalance and countless crushed hopes.

Then he looked down, oh how terrible that he did. For beneath that beautiful night sky was his husband.

His husband who was in another woman’s embrace. 

His lips were trembling and probably were already blue with how freezing it was but he refused to stand up and take shelter. This is how he punishes himself for doing the abominable –  _ he fell in love with the atrocity that is Na Jaemin _ . Letting a sob escape his lips, he crouched and pulled his knees into his face, biting his bleeding lips. The heavy downpour continued and the cold, harsh slaps of the wind did nothing to lessen the pain cursing through his whole body. 

It was absurd and totally ludicrous of him to think that Na Jaemin, heir to the Lotus Throne, will be able to love him. No, he’s merely his Prince Consort, his official spouse, another pawn in this game of power, just a link to keep the East from waging unnecessary war against the North, his home, the place of his birth, and the territory of his sweet eldest brother, Doyoung, and his darling of a husband. Donghyuck sobbed louder in agony. He’s merely a pretty trophy to showcase to the world before Crown Prince Jaemin got out and find another bed warmer. Potentially good enough that they might earn themselves a position in the court, even better, become royal consorts themselves.

As if being stuck in a marriage with a husband who harbors no affection for him wasn’t bad enough, he can’t even get out without potentially costing his brothers’ heads. He hugged his legs tighter as the rain kept on pouring. He can’t even bring himself to worry about his guards who might receive a beating once he manages to catch a cold under their supervision. He can’t even begin to care about the state of his body which was just recently altered in order to house the children of the heir. As if that heir will love him back.

He could easily accept such an unaffectionate marriage if not for Jaemin making him feel things before vanishing the next second. He could live with the unprecedented and totally unorthodox exile he was thrust into if only Na Jaemin stayed in his lane and did his best to be the absentee husband he usually is. 

“He shouldn’t have lied that he loved me.” He croaked as he wiped his face in a futile attempt. 

He looked up from his arms as the downpour slowly eased. He looked at the drenched see-saws. Maybe, even if he’s not loved, his children might receive their father’s love. They should. However, the thought of his children suffering neglect from one of their parents triggered another onset of tears trickling down his face which blended with the rain. The pain that the inevitable future caused him was even more painful than what he was currently feeling.

Gathering his senses, he clutched his body, his damp clothes sticking into him quite uncomfortably. He felt extremely sorry to the life he’ll be housing one of these months but he knows that there’s no way out. Wiping his face in vain, he bit his lips and forced a tight smile. “I can’t pack us up and leave in a jiffy, but I promise, I promise that even if it costs me my life, I will provide you the love  _ he  _ will never give us.”

Na Donghyuck felt his heart break with every passing moment but he held himself up as the rain continued on pouring. If Na Jaemin won’t love him, then he’ll love his offspring instead.

“What do you mean that you’ve lost track of Donghyuck?” His voice was dangerously low, his eyes dark and menacing, and his figure so brooding and tense that Renjun and Jeno felt pity towards the trembling guards who had their heads hung low as the Crown Prince chastised them with his quite authority. 

Jaemin was losing his mind, the downpour was heavy and his men were telling him that they’ve lost his husband in this terrible weather. His best friends and advisors exchanged worried glances but dared not to step a toe out of the line especially since the matter involved the Prince Consort who had just undergone a massive biological reconstruction. And it was raining heavily. They understood the anxiety surging through the Crown Prince’s bloodstream.

“We’re sorry Your Highness, we have been searching for His Highness for almost three hours now and there’s still no sign of him inside the castle grounds as well as the perimeter. We have doubled our men to search the whole city.” The head of the royal guards answered calmly but the Crown Prince still found the answer insufficient as he slammed his palm on the table, almost causing the maids to flinch at the harsh sound. “So why haven’t you found him yet? For goodness’ sake, how many have you sent out?” “Sixty men, Your Highness.” “Sixty? And you can’t even find a single man in this weather who’s most probably incapacitated with all the radiation and medicine his body just received? You tell me why.” 

Silence hung through the air as the guards turned silent, afraid of making a mistake that might cost them their heads. Frustrated at the lack of assurance, the Crown Prince took a deep breath and looked at his guards wearily. “Just please find him. You may go.” The guards bowed deeply before scampering like ripples. 

Renjun and Jeno look at each other before approaching Jaemin’s hunched figure who sat behind his desk. “Min, we have an inkling for what might have caused this disappearance.” He shot up at his friends with both anticipation and exhaustion. 

It was Renjun who plucked his courage to speak up. “Many guests seen him bolt out of the ballroom, bumping with many of them in the process. Many were irritated but concern filled them after realizing that it was the usually prim and proper Prince Consort. The Duchess of the Southern Walls, in particular, had an interesting information she shared once the guests had all left.” Renjun started, cautious around his friend since despite knowing Jaemin all these years, nobody has experienced being around a distraught Jaemin in love. 

Yes, this was the first time that the Crown Prince had been in love – madly in love that he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions. 

“He was seen to be hanging around the veranda, moments before his supposed escape. The Duchess thought that after looking at something down below, his whole face contorted before sprinting out.” The three of them understood the implication of that statement.

Jaemin’s face dropped upon the revelation. 

“This is why you shouldn’t have left your husband in the dark.” Jeno lowly inputted, uncaring whether he was overstepping his boundaries considering his lower status, but as a friend and as a royal advisor, he believed that his idiotic of a friend needed some sense knocked into him.

The Crown Prince shook his head as he buried his face into his palms. 

“What? You’ll pull the ‘ _ it’s for his safety _ ’ card again?” Jeno threw harshly as his face remained impassive. Renjun had to step back and hold Jeno’s arms, trying to prevent his lover from breaking royal protocol. Jeno couldn’t, not when he practically grew up with Donghyuck back in the North before getting betrothed in the East. 

“No, this idiot of a prince has to realize that Donghyuck is not a weak minor Prince like every heir thought of Donghuck to be. He doesn’t need your protection if it’s at the expense of his perception of your affections. He might not be well-versed at combat, but your husband is not an idiot who cannot handle state affairs. Do you know how terrible it must have felt to be suddenly thrown into something akin to exile right after getting married?  _ Min _ , the man’s been brought up by extremely political parents, he was taught by world class tutors from a young age; he was molded to be a suitable political partner yet you’ve reduced him into nothing more than a traditional bed warmer.” Jeno threw hard fact after hard fact, each truth more hostile than the previous, while maintaining a cold and leveled disposition. Jaemin still refused to look up. Renjun resigned into shrinking into one of the couches inside the Crown Prince’s office.

“That whole ass garden you’ve conjured up in a quarter of a night doesn’t matter, your useless gifts from halfway across the world don’t matter; he will never feel your affections not until you stop making him feel neglected and useless. Donghyuck is a political leader, he has joined peace treaties and counsel meetings back in the North; all of that despite being the youngest and furthest from the succession. Imagine how torturous it must have been to be suddenly betrothed out of the blue and then tossed aside like a bargaining chip. His conversations with the Queen, Her Majesty, don’t supply, for he was not brought up as a mere trophy.  _ Jaemin _ , you’re literally holding a political weapon in your hands yet you’ve resigned him to a fate worse than a decoration.”

At this point, Jaemin was roused from his sorrows and looked at Jeno angrily. Jeno refused to stop. “Jisung said it, his brain is eating him. There’s nothing left for him to worry about apart from your marriage and some useless herbs, what do you think his mind could conjure?”

“Do you think I don’t know that? How the hell do you think I fell in love with him? However, it’s one thing to be involved with state affairs being a Prince, son of the King, and another being a Prince Consort, husband to the Crown Prince. Jeno, the country is literally in shambles and I don’t want to show him the devastated state of the archipelago that my parents want to leave me with. I don’t want to burden him with these concerns. The coups, the poverty, the inflation, they are mine to bear and I don’t want to impose the problems of my country on him.” Jaemin slunk back onto his chair, unable to hold Jeno’s cold and piercing stare for too long.

“I came to ask his hand for marriage with the façade of a strong and competent heir from a rich and prosperous country; I don’t want him to regret marrying such a weak monarch from an equally weak country.” 

It was Renjun’s turn to chuckle in both amusement and outrage. “Jaemin, are you hearing yourself? I don’t know Donghyuck as well as Jeno but I am sure of one thing and that is if you continue with your secrecy and your faux ‘ _ protection _ ’ of him, he is bound to regret marrying you. You might have kept this from the incumbent King and Queen of the North but the moment King Doyoung hears of this, he’ll be waging war upon us to take back his little brother and you know that we’ll be annihilated. At least make sure that your husband is on your side, that when the time comes, he’ll be the shield that stands between us and the North.” Renjun heaved as he glowered at their cowardly Crown Prince. “You’ve always tried to be a good leader but the only way for you to do so now is to own up and be a good lover. Your selfishness and distorted perception will cost you both the love of your life and a million innocent lives.” 

That was the last straw Jaemin could take as he stood up from his seat and bolted out of the room. He’ll find his consort on his own. 

Looking at that white and bright ceiling above him, Donghyuck did not feel very good. He feels hot all over while the aching of his body increased ten-fold. 

‘’How are you honey? How do you feel?” Hearing that soft and caring voice, Donghyuck couldn’t believe his ears. He whipped his head to the side, and there, right there, sitting beside his bedside was his beloved brother-in-law, Taeyong. Tears suddenly pooled in his eyes as he gingerly lifted his body and reached out to the elder. Taeyong smiled gently and took him into his arms.

“You missed me that much huh?” Taeyong remarked gently as he caressed Donghyuck’s back while the younger sobbed gently. “ _ H-hyung _ .” Donghyuck croaked and buried his head into the crook of the elder’s neck. “It was so hard  _ hyung _ . I tried my best but I felt discarded. Was I not enough?” He sobbed and clung tighter on his brother-in-law’s shirt. 

“Shh, hush child, it will all pass.  _ I promise you _ .” Taeyong said lowly as he continued on caressing Donghyuck’s back. It was like Donghyuck was transported back in time, when he was younger and all was well. He would run to Taeyong whenever he felt stuck and frustrated about a certain case he had been studying and the elder would gently take him in his arms as he hummed folk songs under his breath all the while Donghyuck sobbed and complained. Doyoung would then enter the room with his eyebrows raised before launching into his favorite pastime – teasing their youngest relentlessly. Sicheng would just roll his eyes before scampering back into his chambers, rolls of parchments and fabric under his hands, ready to be conjured into beautiful garments. 

“I suddenly miss Sicheng  _ hyung _ . I usually hate his haughtiness but right now, I would do anything just to see him roll his eyes at me again.” He mumbled under his breath as he tried to regain control of his breathing while tears kept on streaming down his face. 

Taeyong laughed at that. “I can already imagine how aghast he would look if he could hear that right now.” Donghyuck agreed, his second brother was not really the most affectionate of them all. “He misses you though, despite all that passive exterior, I’m sure that he’d also do anything just to spend another time bantering with you about territories.” Donghyuck pulled back a little and tried to look at Taeyong, finding any semblance of lie in his eyes. He found none. “Are you sure?” Taeyong smiled and nodded before taking him into his arms again. “I found him sewing tops that are precisely your size when you were at the North.” He chuckled. Donghyuck felt another onset of sobs escaping him accompanying the knowledge.

It has been a year since he’s last seen any family of his, just like any traditional royal marriage, but the knowledge and acceptance never lessened his longing and homesickness. He kept on clinging onto the elder as Taeyong swayed gently from side to side. 

“You are never seeing him again!” 

A booming voice reverberated back into the room causing Donghyuck to lift his head and look at the door. He only knows one person who could possess such hostility, authority, and volume. “Doyoung  _ hyung  _ is here?” He questioned Taeyong who nodded in reply. “Silly child, you should know by now that wherever I am, he will also be there.”

The reply was almost a punch to his stomach. ‘ _ Right, I am the only one who’s in an unloving marriage. _ ’ Memories of loneliness and his faux exile flooded his mind again as tears started flowing once more. 

“The previous King and Queen might have given you their trust and my brother, but I am not the same. I am taking back my brother and I am making sure that you and your country will suffer ten-fold for all that you’ve put him through.” Doyoung’s booming voice hollered again. This time, Donghyuck let his curiosity lead him as he stood up against the aching of his body and with the help of his brother-in-law, made their way outside of what he could now presume was a hospital room. 

When he opened the door, he did not expect the scene that unfolded in front of his eyes. The King and Queen of the East were there as they stood behind Jaemin who’s getting screamed at by his brother. The moment he opened the door, all eyes fell on him. It was Doyoung who launched himself at him first. “Donghyuck!” He engulfed their youngest Prince into his warm and tight embrace. Donghyuck huffed and slapped his brother’s chest as he coughed in laughter. 

After that quick and intense embrace, Doyoung detached himself and quickly examined the younger while holding him in place through his shoulders. “How are you Hyuckie? Are you alright? Is your body still hurting from all the radiation? Shit, you’re still burning up-” Donghyuck could not help the giggles that escaped him as Doyoung frantically examined him superficially. Taeyong also chuckled as he took a step back from the brothers.

“ _ Donghyuck _ .” That single phrase froze Donghyuck on the spot. Doyoung almost went ballistic again if not for Donghyuck in his arms and Taeyong reaching out to him, firmly shaking his head. Donghyuck detached himself from his brother and hid behind Doyoung. This angered the elder further as the action reminded him of the times when the younger must have felt scared, hurt, frustrated, and didn’t wish to interact. 

Jaemin took a tentative step forward, eager to reach out to Donghyuck but careful around the Northern monarchs. “Please let me explain,  _ Donghyuck-ah _ .” It was low, quiet, and desperate and Donghyuck could not bear it. His lips quivered as he clutched on Doyoung’s shirt, hiding himself further. “I messed up, I made the wrong choices, but believe me when I say that I love you.” Jaemin’s lips were quivering, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears but he halted in his steps. “ _ I love you. _ ” 

Tears cascaded down Donghyuck’s eyes again. He wanted to believe it, he does, and he did. For a period of time. A year of media and world blackout had taken its toll on him and Jaemin’s constant absence had gnawed at his brain for far too long. Not to mention the hormonal imbalances that he is going through with his recent procedure. Confusion was eating at him and if there’s one thing that he hates the most, it’s not knowing. And Jaemin had thrown him into a pit of darkness. Feeling disillusioned, Donghyuck pushed down all affections he had down the drain. 

Swallowing the massive lump in his throat, he croaked out to his eldest brother. “ _ Hyungie,  _ take me out of here.” He bit his lips as Taeyong caught his overexerted body which started to collapse.

A string can only take so much force before snapping.

Silence echoed across the palace. The once brightly lit and majestic castle looks so haunted after getting deserted apart from the few servants and guards that haven’t left. Renjun entered the throne room, and with a sigh, he saw their newly crowned King staring into nothingness as he sat stiffly on his obnoxiously designed throne. Jisung was beside the young King and despite the obvious worry on his face, he kept his position below and bowed as the royal advisor tipped his head at him and approached the King.

“You can go have your dinner Jisung, Jeno will be joining us in a while and you’ve been working like a cow the whole day. Take an hour or two.” The young guard seemed hesitant, especially in these trying times but seeing the firm disposition of his superior, he did not dare raise his hesitance and merely bowed as he took one last look at their forlorn King and exited the throne room. 

Renjun waited for a while before approaching. “If you’re here to tell me off, don’t even bother; Jeno already did that for a whole hour.” Jaemin did not lift his head even once throughout the whole ordeal. This emitted another sigh from the royal advisor. Renjun did not dare open his mouth though. Jaemin was already getting enough scolding from his lover and he didn’t need another mouth to tell him off. The new King already had too much in his plate.

After that fiasco in the hospital which occurred after a planted spy from the North got ahold of the then Prince Consort Donghyuck first and notified his brother, the only thing – or rather, the only  _ one _ , that’s standing between the two countries and preventing a possible nuclear war is Donghyuck. The Eastern King had immediately abdicated and thrown his son under the bus as he and the now Queen Dowager imposed a voluntary exile upon themselves. Now, without even a proper coronation due to the current chaos the whole country is under, Jaemin has to both subdue coups and get to terms with the fact that his husband will be taken away from him and there is nothing he can do about it lest it infuriates the Northern King. 

Renjun knows how extremely taxing it is must be for Jaemin knowing that Jaemin’s marriage is in shambles yet Jaemin can do nothing about it which wouldn’t be considered as a political move against their previous ally. Shaking his head, he settled on the middle of the steps up the throne. He never realized how lonely being on top of the world was is, however, seeing the sunken figure of his friend, his King, it dawned on him how terrible it must be is to finally be on top of the world only to see how awful things actually are, without a shoulder to lean on when times are extremely trying.

As an esteemed scholar, he knows the intellectual implications and duties of a royal partner, however, seeing the grand throne room hosting only the King and seeing the empty seat beside Jaemin, Renjun suddenly had an epiphany that he would never had conjured with rationality alone. “Such grandeur yet no one to share it with.” He remarked sadly. Jaemin remained motionless.

The two remained silent, with Renjun trying to comfort his friend with his presence alone. Words are useless, he knows, for such matters of the heart that were entangled with politics, only the ruler involved can actually conjure his own solution.

“So, this is your decision?” It was a rhetorical question and Jaemin is fully aware of his advisor’s implications. He remained motionless as he answered impassively. “He’ll be better off far from my reach.”

Renjun knows that that’s his cue to drop the subject and leave the monarch alone, but he wants to push his luck. Their time is numbered anyway, and with Jaemin distracted and melancholic, the revolution had already won. “And what’s your basis for that?”

Jaemin shook his head while keeping his head down low. “I don’t want to participate in your mind games, Renjun.”

The royal advisor took a step up nearer the throne. “You know where you’ve done wrong and you also know that if you continue with this choice, you’ll only be reinforcing your mistakes.”

Jaemin shifted in his throne a little as he finally made an effort to lift his head. It’s was so painful to see that the proud and promising Crown Prince Renjun had vowed to serve was now gone and replaced with this ghastly King in front of him. Where there was supposed to be a fire of anger, Jaemin’s eyes were like dying embers, slowly sizzling as he stared back at his best friend. “Where did you first go wrong?” 

The two of them knew what Renjun was doing but Jaemin, unlike his previous self, finally relented. “When I first thought that he’s a porcelain that needs sheltering.” Jaemin did not return to his forlorn disposition from earlier and turned to look at the empty seat beside him. “That resulted in my disrespecting his capabilities and unknowingly exiling him without leaving any last words before I disappear for months because I was busy trying to secure  _ our  _ place in the monarchy when I finally ascend to power.” He suddenly snickered humorlessly as he turned his eyes towards the empty and dark throne room. Renjun kept mum, knowing that once the dam has been broken, waters will surge out relentlessly. “Look where that got me though... where that got us. Just when I finally sealed a deal with my cousin for her allegiances and massive resources, this happened.” 

Renjun shook his head. “You know too well the root cause of all of these.” He synthesized, knowing fully well that Jaemin was already processing his realizations. 

“Misunderstandings.” Jaemin mumbled quietly.

“Caused by a severe case of miscommunication.” Renjun supplied gently. “I won’t be like Jeno. I know that you already know how to fix this. If not for yourself, do your country a favor and fix your marriage.”

“But Doyoung wouldn’t be pleased-” Jaemin started but Renjun cut him off with an eyebrow raised. “Oh please, for all we know, that man’s all bark and no bite; he wouldn’t wage a useless war especially seeing how Donghyuck still harbors feelings for you. Your father might be an idiot, but you aren’t. Donghyuck isn’t either. Your marriage has so much potential if only you listened to us and did not act idiotically.” 

What he said were treacherous words but he knows that Jaemin won’t hold it against him. All that young King needs was a gentle nudge, not a full-blown push. He’s done that part and although the future of the North was still bleak, he’ll just have to hope for the best.

‘ _ I cannot believe that I just placed my faith and the hope of the entire nation in a childish romantic play. _ ’ Renjun snickered as he made his way outside of the throne room.

‘ _ It’s not my home but I cannot deny that it had grown on me for the past year that I had been here. _ ’ Donghyuck silently looks over his herb garden that Jaemin had made for him. His herbs were shining as the moonlight grazed  s over them and he can’t help but let out another sigh as he sipped the tea that he had prepared for himself.

He had just finished packing his things in preparation of his return to the North. As he had learned from Taeyong, Doyoung had been crowned as King four months after his departure for marriage. His father had abdicated the throne, opting for a quiet life with their mother in one of their estates, far from the chaos of the court. This merely added to this heavy weight in his chest. He had always rooted the best for his brother and to have missed such a great event which will shape not only the political climate of the North but of the whole continent, pains Donghyuck.

Soon after Doyoung ascended to power, he immediately launched spies to monitor their youngest’s condition after hearing nothing for so long. That’s when they learned about the political instability of the East especially with the transition of power that was bound to happen sooner or later. Revolutionary movements have been on the rise and poverty is extremely prevalent. 

Donghyuck doesn’t know what to make of that. He felt extremely incompetent and useless as a spouse. As the husband of the heir, he should be someone who could help Jaemin politically and economically. But no, he was merely lavishing with luxuries while the country is in chaos and Jaemin gathers his forces to subdue opposing factions. While Jaemin is playing chess, Donghyuck was gardening and playing dress up in his chambers. It felt awful.

As he was getting lost in his thoughts, the door of the garden opened. A little hope in him had sparked, hoping that it was his husband. However, knowing the declaration he had made back in the hospital, he doubts Jaemin would see him ever again. He was right as Jisung came in, his disposition as snappy and firm as it had always been.

Despite his disappointment, a smile crept its way up his face. He has grown fond of the young guard. “Hey there Jisung-ie. I’m glad that you’ve paid me a visit before I leave for the North tomorrow.” Just as he expected, warmth easily seeped through his words while talking with the younger.

A few feet before reaching Donghyuck, Jisung halted in his steps and bowed. “Your Majesty.” 

This caught Donghyuck off-guard. Piecing pieces together, it did not take him long to figure out that Jaemin must have ascended to the throne. “Ah, another open secret only I do not know.” He chuckled bitterly. “Come join me for the last time.” He gestured towards the chair in front of him and the young guard, unlike most times, readily agreed.

As soon as Donghyuck placed a cup of tea in front of the young guard, Jisung opened his mouth abruptly. “Jaemin hyung really loves you.”

The now Royal Consort dropped his crackers before he caught himself. Not bothering to mask his emotions, he looked at Jisung impassively. “I understand that you would want to save your master’s  _ ass _ but for the sake of the friendship we’ve built and the affections I’ve spared for you, please don’t go there Jisung-ie.” The savage word felt foreign on his tongue but he paid it no heed as he looked at Jisung, pleading. The younger refused to listen.

“No, you have to listen,  _ Donghyuck-hyung _ .” It was the first time the younger had called him that informality, totally disregarding the difference in their status and it made Donghyuck halt and shut up. He leaned back, putting on a defensive stance. Jisung must have realized this but chose to ignore it as he continued on his purpose for making the trip to Donghyuck despite the countless Northern guards situated around the whole parameter s of the King’s Consort’s chambers. 

Donghyuck is aware of the shenanigans Jisung had pulled and all the royal protocols he broke and is breaking just by seeing him so he relented and tried to listen to what the younger has to say. “Please keep your mind open and understanding wide as you listen to what I will be disclosing to you. This is the highest form of treachery but I want to do my best for the two of Your Majesties as well as the people of this nation.” He started, catching Donghyuck off-guard with how well-thought and well-spoken the younger is being.

“I am not a scholar, Your Majesty. The highest level of education I attained was merely a vocational course which took me so long to finish. I am laying that in of you because I want you to know that apart from protecting His Majesty, I know nothing and do not have the capability to plot anything which will cause either of you harm.” Jisung is staring straight into Donghyuck’s eyes. His initially closed off mind decided to give the young man a chance after seeing how sincere he is.

“His Majesty, the King, made terrible choices which led to the ultimate failure of your marriage but all his choices were made in accordance to your welfare and the future stability of the land.” It was the same words from before but unlike then, he believed that he’ll get answers apart from these vague metaphors. “He was an unorthodox husband,” Donghyuck agrees with that. “But he cancelled all of your state engagements because the East is too unstable and chaotic ** ; ** he didn’t want to expose you to the potentiality of getting in harm. The people of the East, especially rebels, don’t really know how you look so His Majesty made the decision to keep you from the public eyes, at least till he managed to subdue the public unrest.” Jisung paused, searching Donghyuck’s eyes for any signs of distrust but he found none and so continued to speak.

“He was also constantly away due to this. When he went MIA after he left me to look after you, it’s not because he was angry or sad with how you reacted, it’s because he had to be away again and pluck out traitors in the court he will inherit. If it were up to him, he would be the one who looks out for you, for every meal that you take. But it’s not his call. Also, I saw how you reacted during that encounter, please don’t take it against him. I believe that it’s his fear, after losing his mother to an Eating Disorder when he was still fourteen. That was why he reacted badly when your words implicated a wish to lose weight.” 

This made Donghyuck confused all over again. ‘ _ Just when I thought that I have made up my mind. _ ’ “What do you mean ‘he lost his mother?’ Isn’t the Queen Dowager his mother?” He knew the answer based on the younger’s words but he needed clarification. 

“The Queen Dowager is infertile. His Majesty’s mother was a mere concubine.” Jisung clarified for him. Donghyuck did not ask further and Jisung continued on his narrative. 

“If you can remember, on the day of the celebration of your one-year anniversary, if my deductions are correct, you saw him with the Duchess of the Stone Ridges. Despite its name, her numerous estates and lands can provide food and jobs for the whole land plus a huge amount of surplus. I do not know the specifics, but she is an important ally especially in trying times like this.”

“So ** , ** he’s been snogging to earn the resources of a vital ally. Cool.” Donghyuck remarked off-handedly as Jisung shook his head in both terror and underlying disgust.

“Your Majesty, the Duchess is His Majesty’s cousin.”

Silence enveloped the two of them after that bomb was dropped. After a full minute of silence, Donghyuck erupted in laughter. “I can’t  _ fucking  _ believe that I have been an idiot.” Relief washed over him as he clutched his still throbbing stomach. There was still so much he doesn’t understand. However, it seemed like Jisung was willing to stay and give him answers.

“What about the media blackout? I was not able to receive any messages from my brothers for one whole year.”

Jisung did not falter one bit as he tried his best to answer the inquiries. “There had been a constant struggle in possession of the media this past year. It seemed that after your marriage, rebel groups had gotten even bolder despite the threat of the alliance with the North. The whole archipelago cannot get a message in or out, that’s why nobody knows of our current circumstances. The King had to shut us all off as they tried to contain the threat.” 

Jisung downed the now cold cup of tea he was given before standing up and bowing again. “ _ Jaemin hyung  _ made stupid choices but I guess the most idiotic of them all is not letting his clever consort aid him. Please prove him that for me,  _ Donghyuck hyung _ .” He roused to his feet and turned around, ready to leave before halting a few steps in. “Please help him restore the beauty that the Eastern Archipelago once was under the reign of his grandfather.”

Donghyuck was stunned speechless even after a few minutes after Jisung finally returned back to the shadows. His tea had gone cold and his crackers had gone soft but he merely smiled as he put down his teacup on the tray.

“You seem awfully happy, baby brother. Have you finished packing yet?” It was Sicheng. Donghyuck turned to the other side to greet his brother who did not bother returning the greeting. He shook his head and gestured for the elder to take the seat in front of him that was previously occupied by the young guard who’s probably now back into the throne room. 

“ _ Hyung _ , what if I told you that I no longer want to go back to the North?” He inquired, not one bit anxious in front of his laid-back brother. Sicheng proved this by merely waving his hand in the air. “Doyoung- _ hyung _ would be furious. I wouldn’t be surprised if he marches here with thousand men just to escort you back after your bold  _ proclamation _ .”

Donghyuck chuckled and nodded. “But what about you?” He leaned forward, propping his face with his hand. Sicheng stared at him lazily and scrunched his face seeing the tea Donghyuck was just drinking.

“I couldn’t care less.” Sicheng rolled his eyes as Donghyuck erupted into laughter. “Though I would not be surprised considering the reports I have been getting.” 

Donghyuck knew then that his second brother had his own spies seeing his nonchalant disposition. ‘ _ Such a sneaky bastard. The North would be in so much trouble if Doyoung-hyung was so much as half as sneaky as this man. _ ’ 

Donghyuck smile brightly. “Thanks,  _ hyung _ . I guess I’ll remain as Jaemin’s Consort here.”

Sicheng shook his head, unamused. “I expected this but it doesn’t mean that Doyoung- _ hyung  _ would be happy.” Pausing for a bit, a small smile escaped the usually stoic royal. “Just go ahead and grab your man.” He stood up and turned around as well. “Clear things up.”

Donghyuck will do just that.

Today is Donghyuck’s departure. After pacing back and forth throughout the night, Jaemin had finally made up his mind. ‘ _ I want to follow my whims this time. _ ’ He shot up from his throne, startling the group of nobles that had been in a heated debate in front of him. “Y-your Majesty?” An elderly noble croaked after gathering his senses. Jaemin smiled at his startled audience, causing them to get even more perplexed. They must be thinking that their new King had finally gone insane.

Despite the disapproving glances, one look at Renjun’s gentle smile and Jeno’s smug smirk was enough for him to bolt out of the throne room causing panic. “Your Majesty! The meeting!” One of the eldest noble screamed as he took off.

“I’ll have every single solution to your concerns when I get back!” He screamed back as he exited the room with Jisung hot on his heels.

The root cause of all his problems is his useless overthinking. That and their extreme cause of miscommunication. He knows that things wouldn’t have escalated this far had he talked and consulted with his husband before pulling stunts. He first fell in love with his husband’s intellect, yet throughout the whole year they have been married he also suppressed this defining quality of his Consort. He wants to ask for a second chance even if it meant facing the wrath of the much larger and stronger North. ‘ _ This time, I will stop following my father’s footsteps. _ ’ A true leader knows when to ask for help.

He turned around the hallways and corridors he knew by heart yet had refused to walk through most of the time as fear and anxiety ate at him. Now, he’s making the conscious choice of walking the mostly deserted path towards Donghyuck’s chambers. He was stuck countless times towards this part of the castle, always pondering and pandering whether or not he should continue the steps.

As he ran through the halls, his smile did not falter as thoughts raced through his mind. “I never knew that this path was this short!” He screamed at Jisung who was running just behind him. “We keep on telling you that, Your Majesty! You’re the only one who refused to listen!” The young guard screamed back. Jaemin laughed. 

His laughter soon trailed off seeing the foreign soldiers blocking his path and preventing him from pursuing further. “Make way for His Majesty, the King.” Jisung overtook and stared at the Northern guards with hostility. The guards did not budge one bit. ‘ _ Figures. _ ’ Jaemin sensed how the younger’s temper flared up at the blatant disrespect but he placed his hand over his guard’s shoulders and stepped up.

“Let me through.” It was curt and blunt, just how he likes it. The guards bowed curtly as well but did not budge.

“ _ I want to see my husband. _ ” He repeated, this time, his voice even more hostile than his young guard’s and it was enough to send the foreign guards into cold sweat. They still did not budge despite the sweat that’s trickling down their face.

“I’m sorry Your Majesty, we cannot let you through. It is King Doyoung’s orders.” He completely understands the guards’ intentions but cannot help the frustration and helplessness that’s bubbling in his stomach. ‘ _ He’s only a few rooms away yet I can no longer reach him when I want to. I took his presence in my life for granted. _ ’ Jaemin looked down, his eyes already burning with unshed tears.

“Let him through.” 

Jaemin snapped his head up at the sound of such a gentle and warm command. It was his husband, wearing that ugly sweater he left last Christmas and a smile that seems to light up the dark and menacing Castle of the East. His unshed tears were unshed no more. Tears started to trickle down his face as he stared dumbly. Jisung patted his shoulder in sympathy.

The Northern guards did not move despite that, causing for Donghyuck to turn his attention on them. “Did you not hear me?” He asked in irritation. If the guards were already pale earlier from Jaemin’s command, they turned even paler at the chastising tone the Consort is using on them. “But King Doyoung-” one started but was interrupted by Sicheng’s presence waltzing his way to the source of the drama. “King Doyoung is in the North but I am here and I am not very amused seeing you disobey not one, but two heads of the state of the East.” His voice was level, calm, yet hostile and threatening as he stared down the poor guards who were merely following the Northern King’s orders. “Now, would you or wouldn’t you give way to these two lovers? I have a flight to catch but I don’t want to miss this drama.” 

The guards immediately scrambled and backed away into some corner, leaving the four in the middle of the corridor. Sicheng leaned on one of the pillars as he fanned himself lazily, staying merely for the purpose of amusement while Jisung eyes him carefully. On the other hand, as soon as the corridor was nearly deserted once more, sobs suddenly escaped the young King’s mouth as he lunged and hugged his consort whose eyes widened as he caught both his husband and himself from plopping on the floor hard. 

“I’m so sorry Donghyuck. I’m so sorry.” Jaemin apologized through his broken sobs. Donghyuck was taken aback. His usually sunny husband seemed so broken as he kept on apologizing through his tears while clutching at Donghyuck’s – his – sweater. Something swelled up inside the Consort’s chest as he kept his hands around his husband, comforting the distraught and distressed new King. ‘ _ How hard it must be to be suddenly thrown into that throne without any precursor? _ ’ 

“I promise that I will be a better spouse; I will never subject you again to that inhumane exile I had unconsciously put you under; I will do everything right.  _ Just please don’t leave me. _ _ Please _ .” Hearing Jaemin’s desperation as that proud and confident Crown Prince in his memories fade away, Donghyuck smiled painfully as he partially pulled from his husband’s tight hold to look at his husband’s tear-stricken face. He felt his breath hitch seeing how broken Jaemin looked.

“I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you alone with  _ this mess _ .” It was meaningful. The East is currently in too much chaos that Donghyuck would be better off back in his hometown. However, he already made his decision last night. 

“I promise you I’ll explain everything to you. Just please don’t leave me.” Jaemin doesn’t seem to be able to register Donghyuck’s words as he kept on begging.

Sighing, Donghyuck untangled himself from Jaemin’s arms and held his husband’s face tenderly. “Jaemin. Listen to me.” He called so tenderly, so softly, yet firmly.

Jaemin stopped his broken strings of words as he stared at his husband, anticipating.

“Listen to me  _ darling _ .” That little endearment sent butterflies in both of their stomachs. “I,” Donghyuck caressed Jaemin’s cheeks as he let his right hand drop towards Jaemin’s shoulders, “am not,” he let it drop towards Jaemin’s hand and as he took Jaemin’s hands into his, “leaving you.” He stared back into his husband’s eyes. 

“Will you ever forgive me?” Jaemin croaked out. Donghyuck let out a laugh. 

“There’s nothing to forgive, dear husband.” He shook his head in amusement. “You were a stubborn idiot and I was trying too hard to fit into the mold of what constitutes to be a good spouse.”

Donghyuck shrugged and wiped the tears off of Jaemin’s face. “You tried too hard to keep up appearances, thus, forgetting what made you fall in the first place. I tried too hard to follow the mold of how a Royal Consort should be, thus, losing myself in the process and almost driving myself into insanity.” He brushed Jaemin’s bangs away from his eyes, finally getting a good look of his husband’s face after a whole year of being married. ‘ _ The few times that I had managed to get a good look of his face, it used to be so bright. I never realized how exhausted he must be. _ ’ “Let’s not divorce. You’re not really abusing me anyway and I already had the reproductive reconstruction, at least let’s make good use of it.” Donghyuck winked at his husband.

This sent Jaemin into a blushing and stuttering mess. Donghyuck laughed joyfully seeing how he managed to fluster the Head of the State with such ease. After gathering both of their senses, Jaemin engulfed Donghyuck into a gentle and warm embrace once more as his tears had long since dried and were replaced with a gentle smile on his face. 

“Let’s speak our minds more often. It’s too toxic overthinking.” He whispered on Donghyuck’s forehead as he placed a gentle kiss on it. Donghyuck beamed brightly.

The two were so engrossed with their own world when Sicheng’s bored voice cut across the stench of love in the air. “If I may, even if you want to, you cannot really divorce each other.” He fanned himself lazily as Jaemin and Donghyuck turned towards him. “Despite it being legal in the North, you got married here, and if my memory serves me right, Royal divorces are tabooed. So even if you wanted, you wouldn’t be able to do it anyway.” 

The whole hall went silent. If Jisung weren’t a measly guard, he would have rolled his eyes but being the well-trained person that he is, he merely hung his head and kept his thoughts to himself. Donghyuck though, wasn’t as easily impressed. With a shake of his head, he turned back to his husband who was still blinking blankly at the Northern Prince. “You heard him. We’re stuck together and I want a healthy marriage.” He deadpans, eliciting a smile on both Jaemin and Jisung who still hung his head low.

“Now bring me to your council and let me see your records, I might just help you conjure something to subdue the chaos for now, and then solve the problems later once we’re back in order.” Donghyuck straightened up as he took the lead and pulled the now glowing King. “I still can’t believe the shit your father pulled.” He remarked thoughtlessly, causing the three to widen their eyes and Jaemin to choke on his spit. Donghyuck paid them no heed as he continued on trudging.

‘ _ I thoughtlessly threw that proclamation earlier but it seems like I might just have the key that will help me solve my country’s problems. _ ’ Jaemin smiled as he let himself get pulled by an animated Donghyuck who was now rambling about military strategies strayed from his earlier topic of economic policies .

_ Three years later… _

Donghyuck shook his head as he read the letter in front of him. 

“Papa! Is that from Uncle Dodo and Uncle Yongie?!” His two-year-old daughter chirped as she climbed to sit on his lap. Placing down his cup of tea and the letter he was reading, he adjusted her and placed a kiss on the crown of her head. Not far ahead, he saw Jaemin entering the garden as the crown on his head twinkled under the sunlight. 

Donghyuck smiled at his husband before looking down at his daughter and holding her face tenderly as he faked his sternness. “I told you not to call your uncle ‘ _ Uncle Dodo. _ ’ His Majesty would go ballistic if he heard you use that nickname again.” The little girl giggled and shook her head adorably. “Nu-uh. Uncle Dodo loves it when I call him that.” The Royal Consort shook his head at that and ruffled his baby girl’s hair.

“Yeah, your daddy is the one who’ll get the brunt of his anger anyway.” Donghyuck said snickering while Jaemin settled himself in front of his spouse and daughter. Jaemin looked scandalized at that. “Excuse you, I am the great and mighty king of the East. I do not bend nor crumble from someone who’s my equal.” He straightened his back indignantly which caused the little princess to clap her hands in admiration. “My daddy, the King is so cool!”

“Oh ** , ** dear Minjee, if only you knew.” Donghyuck chuckled, memories of Jaemin’s tears and anxieties before he delivered the child resurfacing. He did not bother teasing his husband further, saving it for a later time. 

“Who sent the letter?” Jaemin inquired, tilting his head towards the direction of the letter. Donghyuck rolled his eyes as he answered. “It was Doyoung  _ hyung _ .” Jaemin visibly gulped. Donghyuck cannot blame him for every single time that the two monarchs meet, Doyoung would threaten to wage a war against the East if Jaemin so much put a wrong toe out of line. The East is steadily recovering but such threats would send anybody on the edge ** , ** despite the lack of malice behind them. Royal Consorts Taeyong and Donghyuck would just shake their heads at Doyoung’s pettiness before indulging themselves into a conversation. 

“You seemed distress though. Is it the usual?” Jaemin lowered the volume of his voice, careful not to let the little princess take a whiff of the essence of their conversation as she busied himself on making flower crowns on her papa’s lap. Donghyuck nodded in exasperation. “That idiot keeps on doing this. As if I would still return to the North especially now that I have a daughter.” 

After learning of his decision to remain in the East and help his spouse in state matters, Doyoung had reacted badly to that. The Northern King’s opinion of the Eastern King was not very good and to learn that their youngest had made a conscious decision of staying with the monarch, had not sit well with him. Taeyong could do nothing as Doyoung brought a thousand ships with him, surrounding the archipelago imposingly. Sicheng was the only person who made him back out and accept that despite what went down, Donghyuck had reconciled with his husband. Till this date, nobody knows what method Sicheng used that made their eldest back off even when bloodlust was all over his head back then.

This did not mean that Doyoung had stopped sending letters to Donghyuck expressing his disappointment in Donghyuck’s choice and whatever useless stuff he could conjure up. “He’s the Head of the Monarchy yet he’s wasting his time sending me these stupid letters.” Jaemin laughed at that off-hand remark before taking their little girl onto his lap.

As soon as she sat on her daddy’s lap and finished the flower crown, a smile broke out which lightened up her tender face. The two looked at each other as smile lit up their face. “This one’s for you daddy! Your crown looks so lonely today so I made this!” She stood up on Jaemin’s lap and placed the flower crown hastily on the majestic crown on top of the King’s head.

“Thank you, Minjee.” The king expressed mildly as the little princess kissed his cheeks loudly. Donghyuck looked at them tenderly. ‘ _ Jaem’s still occasionally an emotionally constipated idiot that Jisung had to speak for him from time to time, _ ’ he looked over the guard that’s standing respectfully a few feet away and tipped his head gleefully. Jisung offered a smile at the Royal Consort before returning his gaze straight ahead once more. ‘ _ and the East is still far from the progress which the North enjoys, _ ’ he returned his gaze at Jaemin and Minjee who’s talking about something animatedly, “I’m still glad that I gave this a chance.”

The two of them are still emotionally constipated idiots, but at least they’re now ‘communicating emotionally constipated idiots.’ All will be well.


	2. Memoir of a guard who loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which measly personal bodyguard Jisung fell in love with Prince Consort Donghyuck despite all the laws and decorums against it. 
> 
> This is also how he chose love over greed. 
> 
> For humans aren’t inherently good or evil. Just greedy and fickle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sequel/side story that nobody asked for apart from my lovely beta and best friend. 🥺

_Title:_

_Summary:_

_In which measly personal bodyguard Jisung fell in love with Prince Consort Donghyuck despite all the laws and decorums against it._

_This is also how he chose love over greed._

_For humans aren’t inherently good or evil. Just greedy and fickle.  
_

_\- SNOW -_

_I hate how cold it is here in the North._

_His Highness, the Crown Prince had come here after the East and the North had sealed an alliance through his marriage. His Highness kept on acting as if he hadn’t had a hand in this whole arrangement. Lord Renjun had scoffed at that but Lord Jeno had merely eyed His Highness before we set off. I could not take a whiff of what he whispered in His Highness’ ear menacingly._

_It must probably be about the youngest Northern Prince’s welfare. It’s just a hunch. However, I have heard that he grew up together with the youngest Northern prince before he migrated. I do not know of the exact specifics of their relations._

_It is currently winter here, thus, the biting cold. No layer of clothing could help alleviate it, except for heaters. The guards outside must be freezing. I just finished my shift and I could finally snuggle in the warmth of the bed provided. I’m lucky to have such a comfortable accommodation._

_After a whole week of surreptitiously monitoring Prince Donghyuck, I could kind of understand why His Highness chose him over the second prince. If I may be so bold to say it, although Prince Sicheng is a hundred miles more alluring than Prince Donghyuck, it is undeniable that Prince Donghyuck has a certain sharpness that surpasses even that of the Northern Heir, Crown Prince Doyoung._

_However, this is merely my analysis and perspective. I might also be possessing some sort of bias since he’s marrying our Crown Prince._

_I still stand with what I say._

_\- P.J. -_

_\- SLUSH -_

_Today was the royal wedding._

_As I was standing on my post outside His Highness’ dressing room, a minor Northern Royal swiftly passed by me as he left Prince Donghyuck’s dressing room situated a few feet down the hall. He looked distraught as he was muttering something under his breath. I could not take a whiff of what it was though, as he was speaking in a Northern dialect that’s not used in the capital._

_I was not supposed to but I briefly left my post to check on our Prince Consort. I still feel anxious for doing so, but it’s fine right? I merely wanted to look out for the Prince Consort for he’s now the husband and partner of our Crown Prince._

_After ensuring that the conversation between His Highness and Lords Renjun and Jeno were not ending anytime soon, I slowly walked towards the dressing room of the Prince Consort. Unsurprisingly, it was quiet. As dangerous and improper as it might be, I pressed my ears on the door of the room._

_Silence was the only thing I heard. I was and still am confused with this. Individuals usually aren’t left on their own on their weddings, but Prince Donghyuck was on his own apart from the minor royal that exited his dressing room minutes ago. I understand that the King and Queen of the North could not really make the trip but Northern Crown Prince Doyoung and his consort, Prince Consort Taeyong are here... It’s not my place, so I will drop that inquiry._

_I listened for a little while deciding that there was nothing important nor serious to take notice of. However, as I was about to back off, His Highness, the Prince Consort spoke out loud in the empty room._

_“You can do this Lee Donghyuck, what’s so difficult about being in a loveless marriage anyway?”_

_Confusion washed over me but I hurriedly returned to my post as the ceremony was nearly starting._

_I wished to tell this to His Highness but that would also mean admitting to something akin to treason. Now that I am writing this down, extreme feelings of regret are washing over me. One wrong word and I would be throwing away generations of hard work just because I couldn’t keep my curiosity down._

_I love my head where it is right now. They should deal with their problems on their own._

_I still can’t get those hollow **,** choked words uttered by the Prince Consort **,** in that large and empty room **,** out of my head. He’ll be fine though. His Highness loves him so much, he’ll realize that soon enough. Then, they’ll be fine._

_They’ll be fine._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- DEWY -_

_This is treacherous but I’ve lost all hope in their Highnesses’ marriage. His Highness, the Crown Prince never visits His Highness, the Prince Consort’s chambers but we keep on hanging in the corridor leading to there._

_The Prince Consort’s royal meetings and events were cancelled by the Crown Prince. Their Majesties were appalled, especially the Queen, because the move was extremely unorthodox but His Highness had held his stance._

_I could not blame him._

_The whole archipelago, despite the monarchy’s effort to keep everything under the wraps, is in chaos. I have been lucky but not many royal guards have been so. The constant threat of His Highness’ assassination always materializes one way or another that I have already started figuring out when the next one would arise._

_I understand His Highness’ fear for the Prince Consort’s welfare. Once he’s out, his face will be exposed to the world – especially to the militant groups, and exposure is bad especially in an unstable country such as ours._

_The Prince Consort is being kept in the dark though. I do not have the right to say this, but that I do not approve of. He’s still the husband of the heir._

_What can I do? I’m just a mere guard._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- CLOUDY -_

_His Highness visited his Consort earlier._

_His Highness, the Crown Prince is set to fly to the West for a little conference on Global Energy. After pandering for quite a while, I managed to succeed in convincing him to bid the Prince Consort a farewell._

_The conference and travel are not really amongst the highly threatening situations, however, I believed that it would do our Highness some good if he meets Prince Consort Donghyuck._

_Gossips sure run beneath the castle grounds. I have overheard the maids talking about how the Prince Consort is turning crazy, talking and laughing to himself and such. Such treacherous acts, if I am asked. It still bothers me how these gossips never reach the royals above when it’s so widespread among the servants._

_I’ll leave it at that._

_When we entered his chambers, Prince Consort was giggling while sputtering something about polyamory. The way the setting sun hit his lithe figure as he clutched his stomach in attempts of calming himself down. It was honestly endearing._

_I felt myself freeze up seeing him. It left such an unsettling sensation in my stomach, one whose name I could not fathom._

_The years of training embedded into my muscle memory suddenly decided to malfunction for a second as I could not manage to compose myself quickly enough._

_I left quickly then, for the Crown Prince and the Prince Consort had to talk and it was no longer a setting I should belong in._

_After stepping out of the Prince Consort’s chambers, I quickly headed out towards the clearing near the Prince Consort’s chambers in order to clear my head._

_This is terrible._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- FINE -_

_The West is extremely humid._

_It irks me how humid it is here, even more so than the East, and my official uniform is doing nothing to help alleviate this uncomfortable sensation caused by the weather._

_Despite the language barrier, I have grown to like the other security personnels here. They were even kind enough to show me around earlier since it was our day off._

_After going for our routinely jog, they toured me and Mark hyung to this little district that’s full of shops and restaurants._

_I saw a little greenhouse which sells various plants and herbs. It reminded me of how the Prince Consort used to take care of the North’s greenhouse during the spring and summer. I shouldn’t even know this. Oh well, I just heard this from Lord Jeno who mentioned it in passing during one of his meetings with His Highness._

_I should mention this to His Highness, so that he could bring home some exotic herbs for the Prince Consort as a gift. I’m sure Prince Consort Donghyuck would like that._

_I can already see the smile that will bloom on his face._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- CLEAR –_

_I am currently assigned to His Highness, the Prince Consort._

_His Royal Highness, the Crown Prince finally presented the little garden he had ordered to be constructed to the Prince Consort. The plants in there come from all over the world after I tipped him off with that little greenhouse back in the West._

_Something stirred inside me upon seeing the Prince Consort’s face turn blank and then slowly brighten as he finally beamed brightly._

_His happiness was short lived though as he struck a chord within the Crown Prince. Our Crown Prince, being the impulsive person that he is, merely aggravated the situation by ordering me to look after the Prince Consort._

_I cannot get out of my head how the Prince Consort had dropped on his knees, looking blankly at the ground before I aided him back on his feet._

_I shouldn’t have told Prince Jaemin that Prince Consort always goes to his little garden before the sun rises and I shouldn’t have told the Crown Prince that his Prince Consort has been forgetting his meals._

_I am such a meddler. I should have stayed in my place. It doesn’t matter how worrisome the situation is. I am a commoner; this is the royals’ problem. I shouldn’t have intervened._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- WARM –_

_I have a newfound liking towards reporting for duty earlier than I am supposed to._

_This is not to say that I found working for His Royal Highness extremely mundane or- whatever. That’s not my intention._

_However, getting assigned to the Prince Consort brings this comfort that is a stranger to an overworked bastard like me._

_I think… I like the little biscuits and tea the Prince Consort never fails to offer me. I think… I’ve grown fond of the herbal scent of that little garden. I think…_

_Shit._

_This is bad. Terribly bad. I shouldn’t be writing- no! I shouldn’t harbor these feelings._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- BRIGHT -_

_I saw a sunflower. It reminded me of His Highness, the Prince Consort. The way the sun gently kisses each petal with its warmth. The way the beautiful flower seemed to embrace the sun’s existence._

_\- P.J. -_

_\- DRIZZLE –_

_I can no longer understand myself._

_I cannot understand why I am acting like this._

_I cannot understand why my heart keeps on dropping every time that sunflower slowly wilts as the sun continues to leave him._

_I-I must be mad._

_I must have a wish for a death sentence._

_This could get me beheaded._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- RAIN SHOWER –_

_His Royal Highness and the Prince Consort’s marriage is slowly crumbling._

_His Royal Highness has been absent more frequently and even if he’s in the castle, he doesn’t have the luxury to visit his Consort because he’s swamped with paperwork and meetings._

_A month has passed by since I was assigned to the Prince Consort’s side, and the Consort’s eyes are slowly losing the tiniest of spark they used to possess._

_The sunflower that once looked towards the skies is now constantly hunched, deprived of the sun it needs to survive in this cold and cruel castle._

_As I watch over him from where I stood in the doorway, looking at him as he gardened forlornly, it dawned on me._

_I finally understood the Prince Consort’s mind._

_I almost lost my composure on duty had I not caught myself in time._

_A mediocre thinker like me wouldn’t understand but mundanity and imprisonment are regression pills for an extroverted individual like he is._

_His brain is eating him._

_I have to tell somebody about this._

_At least for Prince Consort Donghyuck’s sake._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- HAIL STORM –_

_I saw a sunflower._

_However, I am not his sun._

_My breath hitched upon that realization._

_I am merely a worm beneath the sunflower, not even worthy of seeing its full beauty._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- THUNDERSTORM –_

_The Prince Consort is missing._

_I do not know what happened or how it happened._

_I was with the Crown Prince then, as he thanked his cousin for the newly formed alliance, when the news erupted that the Prince Consort had gone missing._

_For the first time ever since I became a royal guard, I froze up. My body suddenly felt numb as if somebody had poured a bucket of ice water on me. I could not understand my reaction._

_I know that it was mere seconds before I jolted out of my stupor and followed His Highness as he bolted out of the majestic garden in search of his spouse. However, it felt like an eternity as I stared into that night sky embedded with clouds that blocked the moon and the stars from peeking through._

_He was happy in the morning. The Prince Consort was even laughing a little as I tripped on a little stone which I had failed to notice **,** too absorbed in stealthily observing how the sunlight formed a halo around him. _

_He was fine._

_My mind was hazy as I tried to interrogate the guests to the best of my ability together with some noble officials._

_For the first time in my whole career, I was panicking._

_I have never lost my composure even in the face of danger. I have never felt unnerved even when a sniper almost locked the Crown Prince’s head. I have refused to bat an eyelash as I detonated both simple and complex bombs._

_This… this is different._

_The Prince Consort had just a major operation not even a week prior. He’s extremely frail right now. There is a downpour outside. This is horrible._

_I cannot sleep with this. I’m going to look for him._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- RAIN DROP –_

_The monarchy is like a house of cards right now._

_Its majestic appearance is nothing but a façade at this point._

_Upon the Northern King’s threat of a war against us, the now King-Father abdicated quickly and hid like a coward. He and the Queen ran off to an island estate hundred miles away from the Eastern Coast._

_Prince Jaemin, now King, was suddenly given the throne he isn’t supposed to receive until he was 25. Everything was a mess, still is. The opposition faction of nobles started an uprising, causing the country to almost topple if it weren’t for the presence of the Northern King._

_Now **,** Royal Consort Donghyuck is going back to the North._

_The Northern King is not happy with what happened and unsurprisingly, he planted a number of spies as soon as he ascended to look after his brother. I admire that. Seeing the Eastern Court getting almost torn apart due to power struggles, it is admirable how the Northern royal brothers look out for each other. Even if we are in front of their canyons, I still want to express my admiration._

_Seeing the Royal Consort so small, distraught, and insecure behind the Northern King, a torturous kind of discomfort has settled itself in my chest. I cannot do anything to relieve it. I believe, my naïve and stupid self was still looking for that beaming Prince Consort whenever I trip, that the amused Prince Consort would chastise me for my firm observance of decorum, that soft Prince Consort would insist that I call him ‘hyung.’ Or maybe, I was not looking for something from the past. What I was searching for, as my lips bled while looking at the tragedy that unfolded in that deserted hospital room, maybe is nonexistent._

_His Majesty, Royal Consort Donghyuck, he deserves better. He deserves the world._

_But Donghyuck hyung, that mischievous and kind hyung from the garden, I know that he would only want Jaemin hyung._

_That sunflower can only grow with the presence of his sun._

_That sun of his is here in the East._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- CLOUDY –_

_They’ll be fine._

_The country will be fine._

_I still do not know what will become of me but I’ll survive._

_I’m still a worm but I am glad that the sunflower I am beneath of is happy and that happiness won’t go away any time soon._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- FINE –_

_The East has been granted a female heir._

_Princess Na Minjee, Heir to the Lotus Throne and Eastern Archipelago. Their Majesties were all smiles and tears as the little princess refused to let go of the King’s crown after an accidental grip._

_It is such a joyous event. It is so joyous that even the aloof and hostile Northern King had dropped everything just to see his newborn niece and celebrate the Princess’ first month celebration._

_The Northern second prince was also present. He was the only one of them three brothers to remain unmarried despite a humongous number of suitors, men and woman alike, from all across the globe. The event did not end without Prince Sicheng winking at me good-naturedly as he glided across the ball room, escaping both his eldest brother **,** adamant on marrying him off **,** and a huge flock of stalkerish suitors. I still find it hard to bite back a laugh whenever he sighs in exasperation before hiding in the Royal Consort’s garden. _

_I do not know how it ended like this but now, I constantly have Marquess Chen Le bothering me EVERY SINGLE DAY. Ever since he moved here in the East with the outspoken goal of pestering their Majesties and Her Royal Highness, he has included me in that as well. I now understand why the Royal Consort had slipped one time and said out loud how he preferred me over his cousin. I can understand why now._

_Apart from that newfound thorn in my constantly peaceful routines, everything is well. The royal family is happy, the Northern King is still irritable, and the East is steadily standing back up on its feet._

_I am happy for him._

_\- P.J. –_

_\- SUNNY!!!_ _💗💗💗_ _-_

_Hi there Jisungie! It’s Lele!_

_I’m sorry I scanned through your things._ _☹_

_I… am perplexed, to say the least._

_You really did love Donghyuck hyung **,** huh?_

_Don’t worry! I’ll perform well! I’ll make sure that I’ll be the one that will occupy a special place in your heart! Just like you are with mine!_ _😣_

_Just wait and see **,** Park Jisung._

_You did really well. It must have been hard seeing that every single day._

_XOXO,_

_Lord Zhong Chen Le, Marquess of the Northern-Western Border_ _💋💕_

_P.S. I hate how boring your journal entries are. Hmph._

_P.S.S. The weathers you’ve used as entry titles are so unnerving!_ _😫_

_P.S.S.S. Also! How dare you regard me as a minor noble!_ _😫_

_P.S.S.S.S. And how dare you find me annoying! I just want to keep you company because you are so quiet and quietly stand in a corner._ _☹_ _Why are you taking this against me?_ _🥺_

_\- Not an entry –_

_Lord Chen Le._

_I am not amused to see your writings in my DIARY._

_I am just a mere guard. Please don’t waste your time on me, my lord._

_Please pardon my ignorance for how I regarded you in this DIARY in my earlier entries. I was ignorant and did not know better._

_You’ve already occupied enough space in my waking life though. I am afraid of what I’ll become once you’ve occupied my heart **,** as if intruding my thoughts were not enough._

_There’s no need for you to exert so much effort._

_\- P.J. –_

_P.S. Please just have me executed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this? I promise that this will be the last. 😅 Tbh though, this would never occur to me because I'm a basic btch but then, my lovely beta mentioned about DHxJS then my equally lovely best friend told me that Jisung might be a side character but he's got such an important role he might as well be a second lead (non-verbatim here). So I sat down and wrote this in like 6 days even if I haven't started my school works yet. 😭
> 
> This is the first time in years that I wrote in the first person's POV as well as a diary/journal format so that was challenging. I hope you enjoyed it and please feel free to leave a feedback! We don't bite in this household. 🥺 'Till then!
> 
> Happy 2020 everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, finally, I finished it. *Insert tears and sighs here* Before I start my whining here, I would like to send my extreme gratitude, love, and everything for my wonderful and lovely beta. They have been nothing but patient and understanding even when I have gone MIA despite the total lack of content and nearing deadline. We actually took two extensions because I couldn’t handle my shit together. ㅠ.ㅠ This brings me back, thank you to Admin Tea for hosting this fest. ㅠ.ㅠ Thank you for being lovely. This had been such an incredible and enjoyable journey.  
> For the prompter, wahhhh! I’m so sorry I was not able to include bed sharing in the story. ㅠ.ㅠ I’m also so so sorry this came out angstier than your prompt! Please let yourself be known so that I can apologize for this monstrosity I created. ㅠ.ㅠ  
> To be honest though, almost 70% of the story was created in under a week. Talk about cramming. *Sighs* Also fun fact, ‘Love, Poem’ was my go-to song while creating this especially the angst. Lol.


End file.
